Speak Now
I was 13 when Taylor Swift’s third album, Speak Now released. My sisters and their friends listened to it on repeat while they ran around the backyard and made up “music videos”. I was WAY too old for those things of course, so I sat to the side disinterestedly reading the CD jacket, memorizing the lyrics as I pushed the toddler on the swing, and eventually supervising the production in a way that I felt upheld my mature teenage reputation.
Speak Now asks the question: When do you speak up and when do you stay silent? What is the cost of keeping your thoughts, emotions, desires, disagreements, and experiences to yourself? How do you get the courage to start sharing more of yourself with the world?
At 13, so much of my world was internal. My thoughts, feelings, dreams, and even a lot of friendships (hey there, embarrassing number of imaginary friends) existed only in my head. The idea of someone detailing all those very personal things in their art and sharing it with the world seemed incredibly bold and somewhat terrifying. I was highly aware of the vulnerability it took to share those fears, regrets, pains, lessons, desires, disappointments, and triumphs.
Flash forward to this weekend - Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) released and I am exactly twice as old now as I was when the original released. The questions that intrigued and inspired me at 13 are ones that I have started living out and learning from at 26.
I still struggle to let my internal world out. I filter myself to be more palatable. I hold back for fear of being misunderstood, critiqued, or rejected. I second guess my conclusions, motivations, desires. I’m embarrassed to say that too often I edit my words and actions so others will find them easier to handle.
Thankfully, through counseling and reading and healthy relationships and a growing awareness of the grace of God, I am starting to practice the spiritual discipline of honesty. I am learning, on a deeply personal level, that the freedom and transformation and life Jesus offers can only be fully experienced through authenticity.
If I am not honest about where and how I am, how can I see clearly how God is working or wants to move in my life? If I do not share my thoughts and feelings with others, how can I know whether they are valid or whether others see me? How can I be honest about where God is leading me, what God is teaching me, or how I am experiencing God in my life when I am concerned with how others will receive or perceive it?
God does not ask that I maintain a polished, comfortable exterior life in which I never have difficult conversations, make confessions, or challenge others or myself. What God does constantly ask for is humility and honesty.
More on that to come… in the meantime, I highly recommend giving Speak Now (Taylor’s Version) a listen – you might be surprised how such seemingly simple stories challenge you to speak up too.
